So I am just feeling like cashing it in and being done with T. I am so frustrated with the entire process and I'm sick of it! I don't know if its all me and I'm just projecting, or what. But I sense my T is getting sick of my crap and I'm sure he's tired of my little steps forward, HUGE step back pattern. I hate myself and the way I'm so annoying with my push-pull interactions in this relationship. I want my T to care SO badly but then when he does, the next session I'm like f-u and am so distant. I really think he picked up on that tonight and I'm disgusted with myself.

I just want to be close to someone. I'm so sick and tired of being alone and depending only on me. I want to have some sort of genuine long-term connection with someone who wants the same with me. But I think all i end up doing is self-sabotage in the end....

I don't know that I'm asking for anything here so thanks for letting me vent. I'm super close to canceling my next session and I've never seriously considered that before now. I'm scared