Have you ever thought about worst-case scenarios? The worst case scenario of someone criticizing you or whatever is not going to be you having to sleep under a thin blanket in Calcutta for the rest of your life. Etc, etc. I mean the worst thing that happens is what your mind is doing to you. Mindfulness can fix that. Throw out your wrong ideas. I know the feelings are real, but they are from the past. When was the last time someone was as horrible to you as your mother. Few people are like that. And the person who wanted to commit suicide - well, that person was in such a bad way that whatever they said is not about you but about them. Be rational. Let that wrestle your emotions to the ground. Rationalize things in your favour, especially anything with a large uncertainty attached. An email may give you butterflies of apprehension, but that is enough. It needn't be more. It's a feeling in your chest, and it's just an email. They don't come with anthrax. You will be okay. You need to relax. I know it's hard when that isn't the pattern. I know it's hard when you're dealing with stuff. I know being flamed on a board is no fun, but it's really about the other person, not you. It's okay for someone to hate me or block me or whatever. That's life. It's not my problem. It's their loss - or benefit. Whatever.

And if it's trauma and you need counselling, get it. ASAP. I found the book Trauma and Recovery (Judith Lewis Herman) helpful for getting some perspective and seeing that people as different as rape victims and soldiers have similar panic responses from trauma. And there is something in there about healing. Focus on a fantasy of healing, of the past falling away, of good things in the present and future.

I hope you are not letting yourself worry about responses to this post of yours.

Try to step outside of yourself, as if you were dead, say, or sleeping if you like, and look at yourself "objectively" from the outside. Probably you will feel pity or compassion, perhaps new understanding. At the very least you can get outside yourself and get a break from all the stuff inside. I find it helps.

I don't know if any of this will be useful to you, but I tried.