oh HoneyBee, these are the things we are not prepared for. you are entering a strange land without a guide. my heart goes out to you. please try to remain in the moment, watch your breathing, count your breath slowly to help your heartbeat (1001, 1002, 1003, etc), drink water and eat (you will be burning a lot of calories and that can trigger panic attacks). the rest will demand your time, attention, all the skills you have and more compassion than you ever knew you possessed.

try to take a few minutes every day to write down what has happened so far, and how you felt about it, what significant things were said, so you will remember after the initial stress and shock are gone, and you are left blank and staring. when it's time to cry, cry wholeheartedly. if you find a moment of laughter lurking in a memory, treasure it.

turn all guilt away from the door, even if it brings cookies. do not allow yourself to dwell overly much on the meaning of things, the why's the how's, the shoulds; turn away, they will eat at you.

i have seen enough 2-sided people to know that someone can be convincingly happy to all who see them, and inside be miserable and empty. you cannot know these things if they are hidden by an expert in compartmentalizing. this often starts very young in life, and is such a strong habit that it can almost never be broken: the keeping of a separate truth.

do pardon me if i have said anything which causes you pain. i only offer what i have, with the best of intentions.

your pain is our pain~
Gus