Frequently, during periods in which I'm not feeling so well, I forget to take my meds for many days at a time. I have forgotten the meds almost every day for a week now. It's not the end of my psyche, as I was on a relatively low dose (5 mg Zyprexa), but it does make me unbalanced and I'm feeling hypomanic-y and agitated, which is also business as usual. So naturally I'm wondering "will this bad habit screw up my brain even more?". And I'm back to the "I'm not sure I need my meds, in fact I think I'm much better off without them". Actions & consequences. What I can't figure out though is where to go from now. Yes, my meds help me, etc., but I don't want brain damage and I don't want withdrawals, and I'm not yet ready for the giant project which is finding a new psychiatrist who is willing and able to see me. I don't need someone to tell me to take my meds, I need someone to tell me why the heck I can't learn a simple routine and whether this inability of mine to learn simple things could eventually damage the grey thinking mush.