I've been in long-term therapy, healing from a pretty horrific childhood.

I have a normal sex drive in the sense that I think about women, feel sexually attracted to them, and masturbate.

However, what I rarely do is start a relationship with a woman and have actual sex with her. And the very few times I've done that, I hated the sex. I've been an adult for about 26 years now. I had two long-term relationships but were largely sexless, and highly dysfunctional to boot. Then I went 13 years with no relationship, and more recently had a very brief (two-month) relationship that didn't work out (and I didn't enjoy the attempts at sex).

I'm not posting this as a rant or a crisis situation. I feel very blessed, because I've been able to bring so much into my life, including a sense of self-sufficiency. I'm just starting to look at this pattern and wondering how I can get from here to liking real sex.