Gismo thanks-
I think this is related to what you mentioned with "human swarm"
Human Swarm - Channel 4 - Info - Press
I could see that, - in way I do see that.
What happens at work is a hostile environment, people tend to go with the "herd" in some fashion. Countless time, what some call "throwing another under the bus", I have seen done and done to me. Some stick out, try to change the environment but in the end it doesn't change, and in the end it is what it is.

Gus,
I couldn't agree more right now, today.

I have said for a while now-- My Job is teaching me things that I can't put on a resume but probably will help me out in life for myself.

Over the years with realizing "every thing is not my fault" (and yes that perception is damaging); coupled with realizing that "some people out in the world just have their own issues"--- is one thing that has helped me so much with coping. Separating out what is mine, and what is not. And for me to just worry about me.
It sounds so selfish but actually ex-t used to tell me that, "just worry about you Beauflow."

Inner peace is something that I wish at times I had, I know with myself some days I have more of a conflict going on, and other days not so much.... I have noticed with the new lady that I work with now, some days -- it's hard to say how I feel but I don't feel so stressed...
Not entirely throwing my hands up and giving up, but realizing that I have tried to give her some pointers and advice- and if ignored, they are ignored; not my problem. It works for me.

I don't know if it is admirable with me being at my job for so long... some times I really wonder if this is my "repeating" abuse in some form.... but I try to take what I can from it.


Perna,
It's funny you mention your story with telling the owner they only needed you a few days. I at times have been known to mention, why do we need to be on site 24/7; the actual work some days we don't need to come in... unfortunately for me- Furloughs sort of help prove that point (there's talk of that again, but the last year we haven't had those).

And yes, things change even if I don't see it right away. I know i have changed since I first started. Some in good ways, some I question if in negative ways.

I have been hoping this year I gather enough confidence to go out into the world and find some thing else; I know some days my job is weighing heavy on me.. other days it isn't though.

With the new lady that just came in, she is nice and has a funny personality- I over all like her.
But at the same time, I think it has been good for me to meet her at work. Some what of a reminder that some times I am not so bad as I think some times. I don't drink to cope any more, I don't go get high to cope any more.. I realize that "us" as a whole have issues, not just one or two people. And it takes that individual to work on their issues.
Those are just a few things, that came up when meeting her and the few months she has been here.

I don't know if you remember Perna, but you mentioned Flow to me one day, in a thread when I was writing about wondering what dysfunction I played as not only a worker at my job, but in the world for working for a corporation. It was a while back.
I have tried to really keep that ideal of flow with me..... I mentioned flow to the new lady because some of the things she was telling me of how she was coping when she went home, worried me as a human to another human..... she rolled her eyes at me but still I tired.
oh well, what works for one, doesn't always work for another



Coolbeans
Thanks for the reminder, for me that is not a new epiphany.
I wish others that are around me in real life would realize this themselves.

I have worked with some people that would out right lie on another, or someone that just "praises" from supervisor-- for whatever their reason be.

I had someone tell me when we were alone talking to one another, they did not do work- But when the Supervisor came to check up on the progress, they claimed that "someone deleted it all".
It is unfortunate they themselves, weren't able to be honest with her, and resorted to lying and making up something.
The only time where i have seen a small woman have so much power and put fear into others, is my mother from what I was a child- So Yes, I realize that I myself get triggered with this stuff--- but just because I am one that has a dx, doesn't mean it is always "just in my head".


I Did talk to one coworker that I feel comfortable to talk to, about what they said.

I asked if they were "really glad" about others going through hell. Told them that made me feel uncomfortable because now it wasn't just the supervisor to watch out for but also it was others that "are glad to see other's in hell"... It just really bothered me.

I was told that they used the wrong word-- They aren't really "gald" like happy, kicking up their heals, but they are relieved that it is not them under the radar *some what, like Pfrog mentioned.

Communication can clear things up too. I find it rare though too in my work environment.

I was telling them with how i thought, and it was mentioned that -- in reality though if I am not being picked on, someone else is; so that is why it was mentioned someone else going through hell... and this is just because how supervisor is.

For me, It all goes back to wishing her well to be better, because that is her choice to do things.... While I have wished for her to get off my back, I don't have to wish for her to go pick on someone else because that is what she chooses to do.... if that makes any sense..

In honesty I understand today why what my co-workers said bothered me so much.... some what reminds me of my siblings when we were younger.... older siblings especially- always pinning the "wrong doing" on someone else so someone else would get whipped.

I am glad that I talked to one of them here recently to find some understanding.