Thanks you guys. I dont mean to make this the daily blotter of moms eventual decline but I needed someplace to get this out. I dont usually tell how Im feeling inside and even when people ask I have a hard time telling how I feel. I guess Im just used to no one really listening.Ive been blessed recently with one good friend and Im learning to be more in touch with myself so I guess thats why Im coming here and getting it out some.

This has been especially hard. Since my moms wreck Ive felt really small and vulnerable and I think Ive always presented a strong face to hide that. Inside, I am very strong but I still feel weak at times and Ive been very confused from not having people to open up with. I can give support but Im terrible at asking for it.

I left the hospital, thought she was holding stable, was home about an hour and the hospital called and wanted to know moms DNR wishes. I told them I didnt think she would want to be resuscitated. They made it sound as though they needed this information sooner than the meeting we have scheduled for today and that thought sent a new fear into me that things really were that serious. I ended up going back to the hospital and spent the night there. They gave her something to help her sleep so I wasnt there for a visit so much as to give the word when the time came. Awful feeling and lots going through my mind I cant even explain.

I always thought I was strong but Im going to miss her.