Thanks for the responses.

So I decided to end therapy with my T

I sent her an email last night telling her my decision. I focused mostly on all the great things we went through and how much I grew with her help. I ended it saying I would never forget her and never forget all the great things she did for me.

It just felt so bitter sweet though writing the email. It must have taken me almost a half hour to write 5 paragraphs and broke down crying so many times. On one hand I really wanted to be there in person and tell her all this, but on another I knew I would have been a complete wreck if I went to her on Monday. I would have just suffered too much if I had to go back.

When I woke up today, I felt a little adrenaline rush knowing that I am on my own now. But as quick as that great feeling was, I suddenly felt sadness and an aching in my heart. It felt like a part of my heart used to be filled with my T's presence, but now it is gone and vacant.

I'm still processing all the things I have gone through these past 3 years: if going to therapy, seeing my T, reading up on psychology books, and taking medications was all worth it. The pros are great, but the cons are...man, so heartbreaking.