I think the difference with the lying is that you're upset over a lie from 14 years ago and she lied because she was afraid to lose you - she didn't set out to hurt you. Big difference. Nobody here as taken your pain of being lied to lightly, and have agreed that it hurts, but we have heard from you that a lot of your problems are about sex. That's not a lying issue. And to be honest, most people don't see it as a massive lie anyway - especially as it seems she did it for the greater good - to be married happily to you. And as you've been happy, she was right wasn't she?

I also read a lot of presumptions with your wife, you talk about how she is attracted to women, and that you will never know if she has acted on it during your marriage, if she has been satisfied with you sexually and how you can't trust her. And how she is denying herself that attraction to be with you.
You know, you can only trust someone. If they go behind your back, they will do it anyway. Nothing you can do will stop it, but you can drive them to it by being negative and damning. I think after 14 years if your wife was that unhappy, you would know about it - but no, by your words, you've had a good marriage. Does that not tell you something?

I have a feeling that your wife's attraction is just that. An attraction. We do not always act on our attractions and feelings - we make a decision to remain faithful because of a partner being too fab to hurt and we love them. Do you ever think this way, rather than being negative over it all? She obviously adored you enough to lie in the past, and also to give up any thoughts of being with other women. Besides, attraction does not always mean that we want to act out on it (or again in the case of your wife). People go through life meeting others and being attracted to them but they do not always act on it. Heck, even grown women who should know better have sexual fantasies about film stars! It's just fantasy, a day dream, and that is human. Your wife is human, please forgive her and try to carry on that happy marriage you had huh?

Good luck..

ps - you ask why her lying in the past was your fault.. Perhaps its not, but the way you think of sex and had your own issues with it - fairly judgmental - makes me think that you may have put this over before you married and will be the same reason she will never talk about her attraction with you again. It's very hard to be truthful to someone when they are afraid to lose someone, especially when actually, her sexual past has nothing to do with you. This last bit you have trouble understanding. I know you wanted someone like you, but not everyone is like you sexually and really, it doesn't matter. And for fear of repeating myself, there is a LOT more to a person than their sexual history, as your wife has proved over and over again for the last 14 years.