I find I still struggle internally if T does or says anything thàt in my eyes diminishes her
Why does this happen? Not her ACTUALLY being diminished, but my inability to comprehend her 'wholeness'.

Perhaps because I had to much of that experience with my mother? Perhaps the attachment between us was so brittle it couldn't withstand any form of disillusionment?

To experience her as a whole person I had to split? When I feel T diminishing I am reminded of how catastrophic that once was?