I'm so sorry to hear your plight Adam. It must be so difficult trying to fathom out your own illness not to mention your marriage problems. Did the therapist suggest you do something together like starting off by going for a walk, some gentle exercise. As you said self harming doesn't solve anything, but I know it feels good and in control in that part of your life. It's obvious your wife loves you very much. I know depression for me is self absorbtion, I'm so wrapped up in my self I get so guilty about this. I wish you both all the very best and hope that you can hit on some common ground.