I'm sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time. And especially that you're so isolated at the same time. I agree...is there anyone you can ask assistance of? Even to watch the kids for a couple hours a week, or every other week, or something, so you can connect with others in some way? Are there any nonny social/networking groups in your area for mothers to bring their kids? At least then it would add a social element to your life.