i suggest going to therapy with your wife. an emotional affair is as devastating as a physical one so she has a right to be upset with you and now she needs to decide for herself if she wants to work on your marriage or give up. You both may want to consider individual therapy as well, there is a reason you acted on your attraction to co-worker when you were married and you need to figure that out as well.

As for the co-worker she did the right thing in distancing herself from you. You are married and if you leave your wife it should be because you don't love her anymore, not because you love someone else. Figure out why you did this and talk to your wife about how/if she wants to proceed. Whatever else this limbo it sounds like your living in isn't healthy for either of you,