pktrain,

It sounds to me as though you aren't emotionally attached to your wife at all. As though the only reason why you're trying to fix things with her is to get your physical needs met. Is that accurate?

Re-building emotional attachment isn't easy, especially when your heart isn't in it. It takes a lot of time, hard work, and patience. While you didn't have sex with your co-worker, you certainly wanted whatever you could get from her & only stopped when she pushed you away more deliberately and stuck to her decision.

You may be unable to really push yourself to hold on to your wife, especially without pressuring her to give in. In my opinion, your wife has every right to feel unloved and unsure whether or not she really can trust what you're now telling her. Going to therapy together would be helpful to both of you ~ you would both be in a safe place, open to share how you're truly feeling inside, and decide what you can both do to re-build your marriage together.