Since my boyfriend left me it seems I only managed to go backwards. I've joined another support group at the beginning of the year to help with it and met some great people there. They all had their own problems, like a parent passing away, agoraphobia and such, but they are all doing well. Me on the other hand seem to just bee getting worse.
I've been getting out of hand, watching porn, things I don't like doing but since I have a bit of a problem with sex addiction I seem to just not have the strength to stay away. I've now tried finding someone who I can have 'fun' with. While I am looking for someone to go party and drink and what not with, my friend went for a healthy walk.
I'm constantly crying, depressed, thinking about suicide because I'm doing all these things and it does make me unhappy yet at the same time I'm wondering why it even matters if when I was good it got me nowhere. I was dead against drugs, yet I tried smoking tea today. I just don't seem to care about caring for myself anymore. I came to this site for help with my unhealthy sex needs but I think I have worse problems than that. I don't know what to do. All I know is evryone is improving and I am only getting more depressed and hurting myself with my behaviour. I think it can be because the first relationship I was in was with a man ten years older than me who emotionally abused me and when I finally left him and found this great man, he left me. Now I feel like I am worthless, everyone has always treated me that way. Why the one guy who treated me with respect left I don't know. It hurts.