OK, so your issue is that you have multiple threads on various forums. It would be helpful to consolidate the threads, because now that I have become acutely aware of your fear of not going to heaven, I would certainly refrain from sarcastic remarks. Please realize that from the OP itself, on the strength of the few words that were in the OP, it was not
immediately apparent that you have the fear of not going to heaven.
I also see that you specifically requested that people not be rude to you, and to the extent that a little sarcasm (which in my opinion was otherwise quite called for) can be perceived as a little rude, I would have refrained from responding on your threads, but since I could not read your mind, I reacted the way I did.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrokenAngelWings
I am a 24 year old girl. I came here because I felt I needed to speak to someone who will hopefully not judge me. So here goes.
I am a Christian and I am planning on waiting with sex until I am married. However, and I am extremely ashamed to say this, I always had this rather unbecoming behaviour. I will search for disgusting things on the internet, like naked women having sex, incest, sex games, porn videos and anything else that has to do with it. I am in no way a lesbian and I find incest repulsive, yet these things turn me on. Afterwards, I always feel disgusting and I usually cry.
In my first relationship I was mentally abused and to some extent bullied into having oral and **** sex. On many occations I cried and felt horrible during, even recentful. (he never stopped because of this and should I reject him he would be cold and rude for days on end) This is also something that hurts me. I regret ever letting it go that far, but thankful I never allowed him to take my virginity.
I feel like this and things that I have done in the past when I was still a young child, like going into mobile chatrooms and pretending to be abused or something for attention, or having phone sex with complete strangers will keep me from going to heaven. I must explain that I did those things because I never had any friends really and my father was never there for me. I felt good when a man would compliment me and mistook it for love, which it isn't. It isn't an excuse tho.
I feel like I was a horrible person and I think I don't deserve God's love. It feels like he left me. I don't know what to do, but I figured coming on a support site and being honest about everything will help. Of course, I am terrfied of being juged or receiving rude remarks, but I don't care. I am at the point where this is all killing me and it is worth the risk. I do ask to please not be rude to me, please. This is in no way easy for me.
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Please realize that your attitude is non-standard. Therefore you need to put people on notice about the attitude. Say, I would converse with people who are religious in an abstract sense, but I would not converse with people who believe in heaven in a literal sense. So had you put me on notice, you would have spared yourself a sarcastic remark coming from me and would have saved my time... although, I must say, even a person who believes in heaven in a literal sense should be able to realize that... gasp... HAVING PHONE SEX WITH COMPLETE STRANGERS!!!! is not quite as bad as, say,
committing atrocious crimes such as genocide, and, therefore, probably would still allow you to go to heaven. At least I sincerely hope so...