I'm having a real difficult time talking to my T about my alters and DID. I've mentioned it to him in the past, telling him how there are different "people" living in my head, or different parts. He didn't say much then, and I didn't go into too much detail.

Today in session, we were talking about something semi-related and he brought up the issue of my alters. Though he didn't call them that, he called them "parts" and talked mostly about my protector part, and referred to the other part as a "taskmaster", the main part that keeps us all functioning, doing our work, going to school, etc.

Throughout the entire time, I felt so uncomfortable, so scared, and vulnerable. I could understand most of what T was saying, but I didn't want to hear it, or talk about it. It's like to me, talking about it makes it real, and I guess I don't want it to be real. It's like when I hear myself talking about the different parts and my alters, it sounds so crazy to me. I'm afraid that by talking about it with my T, I'm going to be locked up, or T won't believe me and think I'm faking it.

I have so many questions I want to ask T, and so much I want to get out, but I just can't bring myself to talk about it. T doesn't want me writing about it either, since I write so much and T says I use my writing to hide behind. He wants me to talk and work through verbalizing my emotions.

Ugh...it's so frustrating and painful. I just wish there was a way I could move beyond the fear I have of talking about my alters and how we are, and feel comfortable enough with T to do so.