I know we don't diagnose.....
I am looking for direction or advice.

My wife and I split up last year. We lost big in the real estate crash. I had to get part time work to make extra money. I was under tremendous stress. I was severly depressed, anxious, and had what my T and Pdoc agree was a manic period or episode. I did lots of stupid things (stopped paying all of our bills, drank, was always on edge, got a girlfriend on an adult role play site) and really hurt my family. Once my wife found out, we started fighting alot. She was hurt and I didnt really care because I was hurting too and my feelings didnt seem to mean $#it to her.

So after therapy, meds, self help, and research, I have made good progress and a nice rebound.

We remain separated and headed for divorce. I pay alimony and child support. I love my daughter dearly and would do anything for her. My ex is just my ex now....I have lost any and all feelings for her.

See I was working my tail off close to 95 hours a week, 7 days a week, for over 90 days. I was tired and stressed but doing it all for my family. I wanted to make my wife proud and see that her man would do anything for her.

Instead all she did was ask why there wasnt enough money for this or for that...we lived WELL beyond our means and I was playing catch up all the time. One day I came home from one of my 4 part time jobs (I had 2 regular 40hour full time jobs) and looked at my daughter realizing I hadnt spent much time with her in 3 months and just said...enough...I quit.
I only worked my one 40 hour job and then worked my part time jobs 3 of the 4 weekends so I could be with my daughter that I loved so much, who loves her daddy so much!

This did not go over well with my spouse, who wanted to know what I was going to do for more money....and I told her if she wanted more money then go get it yourself. I quit.
The mortgage payments were not being made, and all the credit card payments were not being made, but all the utilities were paid and we had food and transportation, our daughter had her activities, and I got to see her.
My wife worked with BofA for almost 3 years trying to get our mortgage modified/refied but it was all smoke and mirrors and lies....BofA had NO intention of helping us!!!
Finally we started fighting every single day...couldnt stand the site of each other. Our daughter suffered, and my wife took her to a hotel for a few days to get her away and so we could stop the fighting (in person, now we fought over the phone and texts).

I was angry and hurt (and in the middle of a manic episode) and moved out. I took my stuff and said the heck with ya! You dont need me, dont want me, all you want is what I can provide...dont need my love, nor my companionship, heck with ya!

Fast forward...I got help and my ex TOLD ME I was making good progress...she was proud of me...she could see the difference, our daughter could see the difference...and I had a change come over me. I realized all I did to hurt them and I began doing anything I could to help them. My ex and I had child care mapped out and we still did activities together, schoodl functions....and I started dropping the hints about reconciling.

I understand how I hurt her and that she wants nothing to do with me now. We are friends and co parents of this awesome 7 year old piece of heaven. Our daughter is amazing!

(I am getting to it I promise)

So they are moving into a new house not 1/4 mile from her school...a VERY nice rental home...and money is tight...and I helped out all I could...I painted my daughters room, painted the family room, moved furniture, cut grass, helped with yard sale.
So then today she goes and gets a UHAUL truck and gets declined at the register. Her card was declined. Damn that sucks....I have already given her all the money I could have...and she had a meltdown. She told ME it was MY FAULT...that once again I let her be humiliated and didn't come to her assistance. She unloaded on me, cussed me, told me what a POS I was for leaving her, drove like a maniac right to our old house and screamed at me in the car infront of the house we sold to someone else! Told me she gave me the best years of her life! Then she told me to get the hell away from her, to get off HER property and never set foot on it again (after I had spent a couple weeks there working already).

So I came back here to my place, cried for a bit, then dried my tears and realized I just dont care what happens to her any longer. I have not one shred of care. I made mistakes...I did...I hurt her...I did....but geeze I wasn't even looking for any credit...just wanted to help out with the move.

She is still moving totes and junk all by herself right now. I hope she can do it...she was so ANGRY at me...and I no longer care.

So am I heartless? POS? Or what? Go ahead...if you think I am an assshold then say so. You can't possibly say anything more hateful to me than my ex already has.

Sorry for the long explanation...but its complicated and I am no readers digest condensed version writer.