Do you ever feel like your alone in your therapy journey?

I feel like no one understands when i speak to them about the deep struggle i have with trying to accept and trust my therapist. No one understands that the therapist is a big part of journey- particularly when you're dealing with loss, abandonment, attachment and trauma issues. No one seems to understand why i'm so hypersensitive to change in therapy or why i get angry with her for seemingly illogical things. No one understands why i'm fighting her every step of the way or why i feel threatened by her care.

No one understand why i don't just walk in there every week and just trust her on face value. Why i don't just fight the terrifying alarm bells that tell me not to let her "in" to my inner world. Why bother keep turning up if i'm not just going to let her do her job?

I am trying so hard, i turn up every week regardless, my mind is full of stop and Go signs. I'm seeing Stop signs and hearing big alarms going of in my mind when i try to be vulnerable yet i also know i need to override these defences if i want to get better, so i force myself to take small steps, even tho every cell of my body is saying NO!!!

Does anyone here relate to this?