Yeah I had a panic attack on the drive home from work. Awesome.

The other bridesmaids are mad at me for not helping out. Um excuse me? I did suggest things but I was shot down. So I figured ok you don't need me. It's just her friends and me, the sister in law as her bridesmaids. I am the one that doesn't fit in. Who barely had enough money for a stupid bridesmaids dress that i won't even wear again. I am sorry I even agreed to it in the first place. So for the shower tomorrow I still have yet to get a dress for a gift for one if the games, and a gift for my sister in law. Of course I waited until the last minute.

I called my therapist hours ago and she hasn't called back. My anxiety was so bad at work that I kept making mistakes because my hands were shaking that badly.

And do I realize that all of this is arbitrary? Of course I do. I am so damn sensitive now though that I feel too exposed and vulnerable. I feel like I have no outer skin to protect me from the smallest slights. I hate having a mental illness so much. I am so unbelievably frustrated right now. Mostly with myself.

If you read all that, thank you for letting me vent.