Almost everyone depends on other people to measure oneself. If we could stop doing that it would be great but it is so natural. I've started an experiment with myself. I have chosen to love myself unconditionally. No matter what outside world tells me. Even if see my faults I still must love myself. That's the bargain I have made.
It sounds to me that you are doing all you can for your marriage, but are you doing everything you can for for yourself?
I've never been successful in a relationship myself. They are so complicated. Trust is so fragile.
I just want you to know that I truly sympathize with you.