On a yet more serious note, your main problem seems to stem from the fact that you lack any understanding of the most basic principles of ethics. You say that you are Christian but being Christian does not automatically reveal principles of ethics.

For one, the sexual experience you had with the guy who penetrated you orally and rectally against your explicit objections is called rape and is criminal, yet you somehow do not see it as such and do not call it rape. For one, you probably need therapy as a victim of rape which was exacerbated by repeat occurrences. You dwell on the issue of intact hymen which is a