OK you are not going like what I have to say, But maybe it will help you .

Okay so your Temp Pdoc appt did not work out ,

What I have seen you dealing with is, terrible stuff with via your posts here

1. You have been off and on your meds , way to many times.
2. you are on top of the world at 10 am - 4 pm your are depressed out of your mind talking and doing self harm ("purging and cutting) .
3. you need to stop over obsessing every mood, micro managing Your mood only increases your anxiety, that is going to make you feel worse,
4 Honestly you need to stop being concern if your father things if you are ok or not.
5. Times like this you really need to pull out ever coping skill you can
6. And the last thing is ,,, Maybe you do need to go inpatient for a few days and get your meds in order . Yes you had a horrible time in the psych ward in the past .. But the are not all the same .. Where I have gone is was helpful and its a safe pace to get on the correct meds .

You need to do what you can to help yourself .

Good luck on what ever decide.