I have to admit it is so hard to not feel so bad about things. One minute I feel as if i can
Conquer the world and live happy and the Next I'm a crying mess. I'm learning how to move on with my own family but its not easy. I think that by being sick I have more appreciation of living but i also feel so guilty about not having my parents involved in our lives. I know that she just won't change but I know that if I went to her and dealt with all the junk she will throw at me everything would be "normal" again. I know I can ease the pain that way, but I just don't want to go back to square one again. Yesterday I cried so much it felt like I was mourning a huge loss. I had thoughts about just ending this stupid thing and trying to make up. Deep down I feel like I need her and want her and my dad around. It breaks my heart that I can't have a normal relationship with my dad either.
My daughter says all the time how much she misses her grandma and grandpa. It's so sad.
For now I'm just going to take one day at a time and be happy I'm alive and love my children. But I do pray everyday that my mom comes around. I pray that I can have them back in my life again.