I hate this but I never want to leave my house. I didn't go anywhere for a long time after I got out of my impatient stay in Feb this year. Now I can go out but only to my sister's house, or a friend's house. I don't grocery shop unless it's late at night and no one is out or if my husband is with me. I feel safer if I am with him. I know my fear is irrational but it is real nonetheless. It literally takes everything I have to get out of the house. And that's hard because I have 3 young children and we need to get out and do things, socialize with other people, etc. I used to go out all the time. Playdates, mom's night out, etc. I was super social and super involved. I volunteered at church and worked in youth ministry, I did street ministry downtown, I was at church every time the door was open. And I loved my life. I was happy. I was connected with people and I loved just loving people and being around people I care about all the time. Now it's like I am just not myself. When I am out my gauge seems to be off, my filter broken, I say things wrong, I am not witty or funny anymore, just very stoic and I have trouble putting my words together. So much has changed about me in such a short time. I barely recognize myself.