From one mistake maker to another...it will be ok. I hate the feelings of self-loathing that go alone with reflecting on ones behavior. Just remember we are all human, we all get hurt, we all cause harm and hopefully we can all forgive eachother and ourselves for these things. Hugs to you. Go easy on yourself and remember you have friends here who understand when your "box friends" as Dark Heart so insightfully put it, alienate you.