I hope not.

You are important. You matter. You don't have to believe me, but you matter to me a lot. You have helped me a lot, probably without you even realizing it a lot of the time but still... your posts give me hope, remind me that I am not alone, and you are a kind a compassionate person. Being really angry and sad does not change who you are. They are feelings, you can choose how to act in response to them. You are not a monster, newtus. You are a human being who's going through hell, but these feelings of wanting to be gone will pass... and I believe that things will get better for you.