It's hard to look at the big picture when feeling like you do, I was inpatient 3 times in 9 weeks.

Medication takes time to work.

If your feeling suicidal then you should go inpatient. It's scarey but you will be safe from harm

The last 2 things I will just toss out there.
1. If you have children and you commit a suicide they are a 50%( According to my T) greater risk of doing the same.
2. If you have any life insurance policys.. they are all null and void. You may leave your loved ones in a financial disaster.

The last may seem extreme , But it was an eye opener for me.

I hope you make the right choices for you and your loved ones.

I don't mean to offend you or anyone else reading this threat.

Stay safe