Dear T, you keep telling me that things seem to be getting better but its because I don't know how to explain to you what's going on. I had a panic attack yesterday for no reason at all. I was just sitting at home and I started shaking and trembling. I got all jittery and I felt like nothing I could do could stop it. Felt so tired yesterday. Now I'm really worried about next week and I feel like the coping strategies you gave me aren't going to work. You tell me everything I hear is imagined because sometimes my brain makes us think its real when its not but I don't know how to explain how crazy it's been. You asked me the last session why I was so afraid and I told you I don't know. Truth is, its not that I didn't know, it was that I didn't know how to explain to you that I really thought people were trying to make my life difficult so that I'd drop out. I couldn't tell you that I didn't trust you because I thought they had found out about me going to see you and I didn't know if I could tell you everything and still feel safe. I really hope its like what you say and things are getting better but I can't deny that I'm not afraid it'll happen again.