thanks for the advice. I just keep thinking that if i try hard enough i can 'snap out of it' i'm actually doing ok - except for 1 day in which i lay on the couch all afternoon, my mood has been ok as long as i take a sleeping pill at night. i know sleeping pills are still medication, but for some reason, in my mind, it seems better than antidep's. I don't want to talk about it with my dr. because she won't understand - she'll get angry at me - i know what she thinks, and it's the opp of what i'm doing. want to be 'clean' of meds. Not suicidal right now, but have been - hope i don't get that way again.