Hi Kojana and welcome.
It's too bad that you are only allowed 3 responses. That's hardly time to even get into the mindset to say anything at all.
If you read the posts on this forum you will be surprised at the number of people who are suffering the same feelings that you are. It helps to know that you are not alone and what you are feeling is real and not just some mood that you can make go away. Depression is a real disease and almost always requires help to manage. If you can see a dr or counselor that would be great. If you need medication that can also make a difference in how you feel.
I notice that you use a horse to express your persona. Do you live around animals? If you do then spend time around them. They will not judge you or tell you to "snap out of it"!
There are lots of clubs here also. I belong to a couple of book clubs and meet lots of nice people there. Even though they are online only I feel closer to the members of this forum than most people I know offline. That's how great this place is.
So take heart. It will get better.