I just attended a conference for ladies with Asperger's Syndrome (AS), where a psychologist spoke. Her presentation left me thinking about how I feel and interact with others along with my misdiagnosis.

The presentation started with an introduction on the female presentation of AS and common misdiagnoses: OCD and other anxiety disorders, ADHD, depression and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). She also discussed other clinician features, such as psychosis, seizures and mood regulation.

I heard an accurate description of my psychiatric and medical history that was mistaken for something else by psychiatry.

Initially, my symptoms were perplexing to the psychiatrists. I did not fit neatly into any diagnostic category, at all. Eventually, they sought out other explanations, like child abuse. This all started in a paediatric psychiatric unit, when I described my dislike for direct touch. Whenever, my skin is touched, I feel it throughout my body. The sensation is overwhelming so I pull away. All, I wanted was to know why. After that, the resident psychiatrist decided, I was sexually abused. For a time, I even believed it.

My medical history supported the sexual abuse theory. I had a few seizures and constant deja vu that suggested temporal lobe epilepsy. In my late teens, I was sent to a neurologist who refused to diagnose epilepsy, because I passed the EEG. After that, the psychiatrist reluctantly told me I was dissociating because of past abuse (she later apologized).

I also had a psychosis that lasted for two months, when I was 18. In my mid twenties, the psychosis returned and persisted for over a year. This further supported the misdiagnosis. Apparently, the first psychosis was due to PTSD rather than biological reasons.

Another issue was with medication and its side effects. While in hospital, staff noticed I was very sensitive to medications. They made me physically and mentally ill. My behaviour abruptly changed. Impulsivity, which was never an issue, suddenly was.

A lot of patients in the paediatric psychiatric unit were self harmers. I learned how to do this during my stay. It wasn't something I did a lot, but it was enough, along with my apparent sexual abuse, to warrant a diagnosis of BPD.

For nearly five years, I put up with this stigmatizing diagnosis and all the assumptions that come with it. Psychiatrists would assume everything I did was out of abandonment fears, which I could not identify with, at all. They were always surprised whenever, I told them, I never felt that way. I also challenged them, because I knew I was misdiagnosed. Most found me annoying because I refused to stop talking about my apparent diagnosis.

Eventually, I left psychiatry and decided to live.

The experience left an edible mark on my psyche. My diagnosis permitted hospital staff to be verbally abusive towards me and treat me as a lesser being. Most would not listen to me, because they thought I was trying to be manipulative. Huh?

I knew, one day, I would find the true answer to my lifelong problems. It took 18 years, but my belief allowed me to survive and fight, even during times of despondency and ambivalence.

My experience could have been prevented if a doctor investigated further, rather than looking for common and convenient answers. Autism came up many times but no professional wanted to bother with a thorough history and involve my family in my care. It was so much easier to diagnose an annoying and challenging patient who spoke of nothing but BPD with that disorder.

Yesterday's presentation validated my experiences and convictions. Now, I just need to use it to heal.