You're not crazy, and something did happen to you. It may not be exactly as you are remembering it now, IDK.

What I'm sure of is that it was sexual in nature, and it involved one or more adults you trusted when you were a very young child. You weren't to blame, and both your body and your faith in others were violated.

You've been damaged by these events ever since, even though you've only now begun to consciously remember them. You need to begin a path to healing, and probably professional help will speed this up. Now that you're aware of it, your imagination may kick in--and you can use help sorting out what's real and what isn't.

Its likely that most of your family of the offender's generation and older knows all about what happened. Every family has its secrets of one sort or another.

I am so so sorry, Confused, that you're experiencing this. I went through something similar, and I know it's devastating. Please take it to therapy and deal with it--it's never going to get better till you take it on and work it through.

There are many in PsychCentral who are struggling with the aftermath of childhood sexual abuse. They are available to help you.

Roadie