It is confusing ... As children we were unable to process with an adult mind what was happening to us at the time.

Most of my abuse played back over and over in dreams and flashbacks which left me even more perplexed as a child, adolescent and young adult.

Once I started working on the issues, though, all of that started making sense and even confirmed what I'd always suspected but had been lied to, brainwashed and gaslighted about.

Our abusers know exactly what they are doing, and they mess with our minds really bad to keep their dirty little secrets intact.

I'm with Roadie on this one ... Please get you a good therapist who specializes in CSA.

Healing is possible ... It isn't easy, it isn't quick ... But it is possible, and you'll no longer feel paranoid and confused as you reclaim your mind, body and soul from those who took it from you.

Sincerely,
Pfrog

ps. I was 33.5 yeas old before I finally got away from my abusers and started working on my stuff, so we're never too old, nor is it ever too late, to start the healing process.