Confused, it may be that you will never know exactly what happened but it seems clear from what you have written that something did.
I would definitely recommend speaking to someone about this - a therapist perhaps. Whatever was done to you, as a child you had to deal with it alone (probably by blocking it out). You aren't alone now though.
I am sorry you are going through this. If hugs are welcome then consider yourself hugged.
Milli
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