I am bit afraid normal might come with sudden urge to cut my hair in lawyer cut, get corporate job and stop caring about the Syria and the fact that minerals for cellphones are mined by children in Congo. That normality might mean I would start desperatelly chasing men in order to marry one, never feel the earth turning and never feel history under my feet again. That I would never ever want to visit another troubled place cause I felt attracted to it and instead I would argue with fat German tourists over my spot on beach in some resort in Croatia (and would not care about history of that country). That my spirits that hang out with me would never talk to me again. That I would never get really excited about anything again. That I would watch sad movie and not cry. That I would never feel spiritual connection to other human beings and to animals. That I would never do anything spontangeous again. That I would accept the fact Franz Kafka is dead and stopped chasing him in down town Prague.

Who knows. Some would see these as symptoms. What if they are? But what would be left of me then?

Would I have to return my diploma too, cause I chose my thesis topic when manic and worked on it like only crazy chick would? Would I un-meet my friends whom I met or got close to through... being a crazy chick?