Trying everything this evening urges have been getting worse all day. Finding it hard to concentrate on anything really. Tried making things, drawing, writing, playing piano, but the urges are there and getting worse.

I am scared about returning to work tomorrow so I know what is triggering it. I feel stupid for having two days off before the break and being sent home and I am worried what they will say. I want to be at work because I hate being off, cause being off means being on my own which isn't good for me. Plus if I am not there I feel like I am letting everyone down who I work with. But I am so nervous about what they are going to say.

I want to scream but I can't. I want to cry but I have no tears. I want to get these feelings out but nothing is working. I tried telling my husband but he doesn't understand. He tries to be supportive but I can see how upset he is getting by it all so I can't keep being down around him. It is so much effort to keep the mask on at the moment.

I just have nowhere to turn at the moment. I am sorry for only posting bad things all the time, but I don't have anywhere else to say these things. I am trying so hard not to cut tonight, not to burn or hurt myself at all, but its getting worse.