Your posts have all been helpful... for me there is this overshadowing fear... over the past... there is so much I don't remember prior to age 12... but I have this sense of how I felt... when I went to xT I didn't have the vocabulary for it... didn't know how to talk about emotions...defenses were too high... and I was having this back and forth trust thing going on and I just couldn't get past it...

so I quit xT and see current T... she has taught me lots of skills... I do know how I'm feeling in the current day... I have allowed myself to see the impact it has on today... but she's not the type of T who delves into the past... in the 8 months I've been seeing her I haven't shared about the past other than in very general terms... I don't think I could with her.

xT knows the past... I've told him most of it...in reporter fashion...but I wasn't able to talk about it with my feelings attached... I sort of feel I'm ready to do that and I made an appt with xT but I don't know if I can push past fear if I were to start seeing xT again.