I'm really sorry this happened to you. I'm not really sure how much this helps, but it was always my understanding that rape isn't necessarily about sex as it is about power and wanting to overpower someone. In that regard, I'm not sure any amount of sex you consented to could stop him from doing what he did. And porn is very different from real sex. Some men (and women) just really like porn and will watch it regardless of how much sex they are getting. I just don't think you're really being fair to yourself by saying it was your fault. It wasn't your fault that he was so cruel to violate you like that.

That being said, I've never gone through your situation so please forgive me if I am being in anyway insensitive. I was, however, subject to physical and emotional abuse in childhood so I do understand victim blaming and SI accompanying that. I know that hearing a stranger say it's not your fault online isn't going to just magically change your mind, so I do really hope you are seeing someone to discuss all of this. This wasn't your fault and you deserve help so you can overcome this cruel man.