Hi everyone, I'm new to this site.

A little about me:
I just currently finished my first year at pharmacy school.
The reason I'm in pharmacy school is because it's something my parents have always wanted me to do. In addition, last year my boyfriend at the time attended this school and I really wanted to be with him, so I applied too.
This past year has been the most difficult. I've made some terrible life decisions which has led to almost everyone at school to hate me. Professional school is very different from undergrad because you see the same small number of people everyday. It's a small town and there's no chance I can go out and meet other people my age. The course load was very difficult and along with everyone talking about me behind my back has made me very angry and depressed. Every weekend consisted of drinking half a bottle of vodka.

Summer has recently started and I feel completely useless. It seems like everyone in my class got an internship except for me. I feel very pathetic. I have never had a job and I'm terrible at interviews. No one ever likes me upon first impression and so I feel like I will never get a job. Everyday I lay in my bed for probably 20 hours of the day. I make no effort to get in touch with old friends to hang out. I have no motivation to do anything. I use to enjoy reading but now I can't even finish a book. My parents scream at me everyday for not having found a job and they don't understand that it's difficult to find one and that I have been trying.

I talk to the same two people everyday and whenever I mention how I'm tired of life and of existing, neither of them understand. This infuriates me and leads to daily heated arguments. They tell me to leave pharmacy school and find something I enjoy. They don't understand that I don't enjoy anything anymore and I can't just leave school. My parents have paid so much money for pharmacy school and my living expenses. I can't tell them I want to drop out and just want to drink and party. I'm also angry because I only spent two years in undergrad and all my "friends" in undergrad are all still partying, studying abroad and enjoying life while I feel like I'm trapped and I've missed out. I will never get to enjoy those things.

I don't look forward to the future. I don't want to be a pharmacist. The salary doesn't motivate me because I'm not sure what I would do with the money. Traveling to me doesn't sound appealing when I'm old because I will no longer be age appropriate for slutting around and drinking all day.

I'm sorry for being so whiny. I just really needed to rant because no one in my life understands.