When I was here before. I came to this site because I had ptsd. Due to my parents passing away 28 days apart.
I was also dealing with my son who has PDD. A not so good marriage either. We stayed together for my kids. We did thou sleep apart for 15 yrs.
I came back as I have said because life went so bad with him and I.
It appears here im always happy. IRL. I try to let ppl think that.
But its not true. Other wise I wont be at the bar at 3 . So im not in this house at that time. Hence the song blown away.
My kids are all grown up. I made sure I got he house because my kids still live with me. Thank god for that.
I still care for my son. Meaning pay his bills.
Two of my best friends own the bar , that's why im safe there.
Most days I cant even think. I cook , I clean , I make sure everyone is taken care of.
Like a robot. I must be a happy one. Cause I don't want anyone to know. I am too proud.
The R thing did me in. That was the end of me.
Someone said to me yesterday. How can I be so happy. Look at me Im not.
Then they said how respectable my ex is.
I looked at them and said " really" The man who had cheated on me for yrs. Who hit me. Who R me. Who doesn't talk to his own kids. The man who wanted to kill me and himself and leave us dead in the house for the kids to find us. Ive said all this before. Just in different places on here.
I had to call my daughter home that day. My best friend too . She was here in minutes. Worst day of my life.
I don't even know how to deal with what I feel. Anger........
I just look at the ground and feel like dirt. Like I have so often.