Quote:
Originally Posted by peaches100
Am I wrong in thinking that she is having doubts about our work together, and wants me to go elsewhere? In her email, she seems to be denying that she feels that way, and that sounds angry with me for "assuming" and "misinterpreting."
I'm not sure what to do. . .
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hi peaches. yes, i think you are wrong in thinking she is having doubts about you working together and wants you to go elsewhere. here's why i think that: you asked her and she said no. pretty simple, huh?
i know you are getting triggered but i think the question is why do you believe you know better than your T what she is thinking and feeling and why are you now asking us, after she has told you you are wrong, to confirm those suspicions of yours rather than believing her.
if your T really wanted you to go elsewhere she'd terminate with you and refer you out. i doubt she has problems with assertion and has probably done that with other clients. yet, she goes out of her way to see you when she has modified her practice. it seems obvious to me that she wants to continue seeing you as a client.
just wanted to add that i find it interesting that you titled this post 'expressing emotions' when i don't see you expressing any emotions. i do see you confronting your T with what you
think. i see
negative perceptions on your part but not any feelings in what you wrote. you did though tell her what you thought
her negative feelings were. like anne said, maybe you are perceiving a poor response from your T because you are telling her what her negative feelings are when she doesn't even feel these things.
Quote:
Anyway, she brought it up again last week, after I reminded her of somethign she'd done in the past that was hurtful to me. So it is making me feel like (1) I can't tell her when I'm upset with her because she will want me to switch t's, and (2) It also makes me feel like maybe she is trying to get rid of me.  When she brought it up last week, she prefaced it by saying, "I know you hate it when I bring this up, but I'm going to anyway." So she definitely knows it's a trigger for me.
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rather than projecting your fear and doubts onto your T why not say something like this where you
do express some emotion:
i feel anxious & afraid
when i want to tell you i am upset with you
because i believe i will be told by you to switch Ts.
you probably already know about that little formula for making "i" statements and expressing your feelings but in case you don't here it is:
i feel ___________ when ______________ because i _______________________.
after the word "feel" you must put in an actual feeling like scared, anxious, angry, confused, etc. after "when" you say what the circumstances are when you feel this way and lastly after "because" you are expressing why you believe this is happening. it is really helpful in both taking responsibility for our feelings and distinguishing between thoughts and feelings.
while i haven't read it yet i believe the book
nonviolent communication goes into greater detail about all this. maybe that would be something helpful to look at.
