I am so tired if this up and down rollercoaster!! Everytime I think I am on my way out of this black hole, I take another nose dive. Thank God for friends who I have made on here and ones I keep in touch with through facebook who call me on my **** and keep in touch with me during the day, and night!!! it seems like they always know when I need them because out of no where I receive a text and then I end up bugging them all day!!! I am so tired of disassociating and feeling like my mind is a million miles away, driving down the road and not really knowing how I got somewhere, or driving down the road and picturing myself driving off the road into a lake!!! Between money problems and physical problems I just cant get a break!! I think I found a T that actually takes my insurance but cannot see them until the 20th and then a pdoc 3-4 weeks after that....My friend I was texting all day today has talked me into making an appointment with my regular Dr sooner and hopefully get started on meds again. (like I told her, I may get a script but then I have to take them which is the hard thing for some reason) Plus I have a habit of making an appointment and feeling like this but yet I go see T, or Dr whomever and wear a mask!!! I don't know!!! something has got to give and quick!!!! I am so sorry for bugging everyone on here over and over again!!!! I just feel so dam needy!!!