No one should be made to feel like dirt. I know how things in life happen that can make us feel that way. I wish they didnt happen, but they do. I believe you know you arent meant to stay in the dirt. This post, all your posts, your daily attitude, your smile and the sunshine you attempt to bring others shows you dont believe in a face full of dirt, not for yourself, not for any others. You are always trying to bring the sun into other peoples lives and sometimes I think you forget that while for awhile, you can bring the sun to someone else, you still havent brought the sun completely to yourself. Its hard because this is continuing and ongoing, he knows where you live, has your phone numbers, knows how to contact people you love and can start little fires everywhere he goes against you because he is still closely involved in your life over the kids.

I still dont have any new answers for you 'maybe. Im still in the place we've always been over this, that a change of location is the only escape I see for you and I still feel that is unfair for you. You havent done anything wrong and how long would you need to keep on running from him? Maybe running isnt in you.

There was 'western justice' a long time ago. Now they call it vigilantism and its not to be encouraged. We can no longer take swift justice and escape the hanging jury because we were in the 'right'. Now we have civil ways of handling domestic abuse but what is someone to do when that fails?

Its terrible that you live in fear, that 3pm everyday is a reminder to you of what he did to you. I think if I was your therapist I would approach your treatment with a multi pronged approach. Some meditation to reduce anxiety, some talk therapy to work through the logistics of where you find yourself, and, one heck of a long vacation. But Im not a therapist, only a friend. I hear you, I feel you, I see you. I can only offer kindness and caring. I wish it was enough. I wish someone could bring you the sun you try so hard, and are so good, at giving to others.