Thanks Gen, w4m, and 'maybe. I sat here and fussed and fidgeted over what I should do about this. Its too much to lose all my family at one time. I made a mistake and I snapped at my younger sister and it was weak of me. I can forgive myself because Im only human and these are hard times. I kept praying that they would see that I am under the same stress they are but I cant help but feel Im supposed to be stronger than that.

I texted my younger sister and apologized again. I didnt believe they were ready for a face to face or would answer if I rang, so I wrote a short but sincere apology, told her there was nothing more I could do to fix this and if she didnt mind, there were only a few personal belongings at moms I needed to come pick up. She said that was fine and I knew immediately was the best time to take care of it. I knew my state of mind was one that would let me treat all of them respectfully while still respecting myself and there was one person present at the house that I knew would act as a reliable witness if anything went wrong. So I went over there.

I grabbed some boxes outside first. As I was putting things in the car my 4 year old niece came to the door and I couldnt help feel a rush of love for her. She was so sweet and innocent and Im sure had been protected as much as possible from everything thats been going on. We just smiled our usual little silly smiling games together.

Thats when I had to go inside and get what was stored in there. The whole family was sitting there just as I hoped they would be. I wanted them all present.

I told my sister I needed things from two rooms and she said fine, go ahead and get them. It didnt take me long and I had in my arms what I came for. On my way passing out the door I had to pass by my niece again and she stopped playing to give me a big hug and it was almost more than I could take, I started to cry but I couldnt let myself in front if her. Then she started showing us all what she'd learned about counting in school and the only thought I could think was how I was going to miss this little girl terribly.

I told my sister how I still had a few things there I couldnt get to because of stuff being piled in front of the closet and told her there was a nice foldable camping chair, never used, that she could have along with anything else I left behind. She said she wasnt getting rid of anything and it seemed like an opening that I would be allowed back later to see what remained. Then she said she understood this was hard on everyone. There was a round of agreement on all sides. I told her to stay in touch then and said goodbye to everyone except my oldest sister. Shes the one who sent the text above and I didnt want to upset her by saying anything at all to her.

I got about half way home and got a text. I couldnt read it while driving and went on home and started taking care of a few things when I remembered about the text. I read it. It was an invitation to my nieces birthday party tomorrow from my oldest sister. I accepted the invitation.

Its not all healed, but its a start. Im so glad my younger sis loves her daughter this much that she knew it would hurt her if I wasnt at the party. I hope theres hope but for now Im content.

Thanks for the support guys. You really rock.