I had forgotten about those pictures. Thanks for the link. I find that I still like them now, as well.

They truly are wonderful friends. I'm glad that I have mine. Sandy is the one who comforted me. I've had her since I was sixteen, so going on six years now. When I got her, I had been in a terrible depressive stage then, too. She helped to pull me out of it. She got me out more. It was a wonderful experience. This time feels worse, though, and I'm not sure why. I've tried getting out. I still walk them. But sometimes feels off. It's like knowing that something terrible is happening, but not knowing exactly what. I'm sorry. I'm rambling right now

I'll check them out. I've tried many of the recommendations I've seen around the internet for a better night's sleep. Sometimes I feel I've exhausted them all. My sleeping pattern has been terrible for years, but it has definitely been worse in the past two weeks. I'm willing to keep trying things, though. I'm willing to try until I find something that works. Sleep deprivation isn't a good experience at all.

I think the comment about society hit the nail on the head. Even with all the resources out there now, it still hasn't clicked for some people. I don't think it helps, either, that I'm usually not so good at expressing myself. On forums, I'm better about it. I suppose because I'm not staring you face to face or not staring at a box knowing I'm going to get an instant reply. It's easier when the replies are delayed. Easier when I can avoid clicking on it to read them until I'm ready. I do have my local hotline number tucked in my journal. Problem is I don't currently have a phone. My mother does (I still live with her at the moment, another contributing factor to the depression perhaps, but not one I like to talk about much) but I'd worry about her being able to see I've called one. She knows I have depression (was there when I was diagnosed many years ago), but the idea of her knowing for some reason still scares me. If that makes any sense at all. I found a website that works similar to hotlines, with chatting. But I've been afraid to try it. Every time I go to try, I minimize the window and that's that. I' tried the Samaritans thing once, too. I didn't find it very helpful personally. I'll keep the numbers nearby, though.

Thanks for all the advice, genetic. I'm not sure the lemon method is for me. Not because I don't think it would work for most people, but because I just... to be honest, really don't like lemons. (Or lime, either) I've never thought to try meditative reading. It's probably one of the few things I haven't tried yet. Next time I can make a trip to a bookstore, I'll look for some. I do enjoy reading, so I figure I can try it. As far as my diet goes, I've been trying to change it. I haven't replaced grains with brown rice, though. Monthly shopping is this Friday. So I'll buy some then. I recently cut out most canned vegetables and fruits from my diet in turn for fresh ones. They taste better and they did seem to help for a while. Though, this past month we were strapped for cash and my diet suffered a little because of it. So, maybe that's a contributing factor, as well. I know for a fact the money is. Because the bills keep piling and the money isn't.

TV isn't much of a problem for me as we don't own one any more. Haven't since the switch to DTV. Don't want to pay for cable and the boxes never worked for us in our area. So, instead, we just decided not to have one. It's worked. We get our news from the paper and online and any shows I enjoy watching, I can usually find on Netflix or Hulu. But I think that advice could apply to the internet, too. If I see anything upsetting, just close the page.

Sometimes I feel like I've exhausted all the methods of helping. I know, logically, that I haven't. But in my darkest moments, I feel like I have. I guess that's part of the vicious cycle. I think the best thing for me so far is being around my animals. Just holding one of them is therapeutic. I know, though, that I need something else. Even if it's just someone to talk to. I'll try some of the suggestions here and meanwhile, I'll keep searching for help I can afford.

Last night I got somewhat decent sleep. It wasn't long. I woke up as soon as the sun rose. But I slept, and that's the important thing. I'm feeling a little better today.

Thank you for the welcome back. I'll do my best to keep posting. Thanks for all your posts. They mean a lot to me.