You've had enough experiences to cause anyone to be depressed! I'm so sorry you had a bad experience with helplines. That's terrible. Do you think you could try again since you'd be using another group of people altogether?
There is a resource list at the top of the depression forum with lots of help that is available. Most of these are free.
In the meantime try to hang in there. Go for a walk. Get a parakeet. they are such good company. It would give a reason to get up in the morning, maybe.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Nobody can understand how hard it is unless they experienced it before themselves.
In the meantime keep posting and let us know how you are.