I'm going to start with my own BS...

I have been in 2 relationships for the duration of the last 5 years and they have ended in disaster. I was 22 when I was last single and had the time of my life, even if it was a time filled with sex and drugs, booze and bikes.
My son's mom and I had been friends for years and had dated each other's friends before we started a relationship. We had been dating for a month when she fell pregnant with our son. My job was a low level job, the kind of thing you do when you are living on the fringes of society, but I made good money and supported myself (and her) rather comfortably. Because I worked at night only, I thought it best to give up this position and take up a position in the same company that would enable me to work during the day so that I could spend my evenings with my partner and my baby (once he finally decided to arrive) even though this meant taking a pay cut.
I didn't really think it to be a good idea, but she (my partner, lets call her 'C') pressurized me into doing this. By the time we realised that the money on offer couldn't possibly sustain us it was too late, but I took up a night job to supplement our income. This meant that I was working 16 hours every day.
Eventually I got a better job in a different city and we duly relocated. Being the sucker that I am, I let 'C' talk me into getting a house we couldn't afford and despite the financial strain, she refused to get a job.
I worked tremendously long hours and this led to us drifting apart. She started going out to nightclubs with her friends and her younger brother and I was left to pay for all of this.
I drew the line when she came home at 8am one morning, stinking of booze and men's cologne, make-up smeared and looking ghastly. So we broke up, we tried to mend things, well mostly I did, but she was still young and enjoyed the freedom too much.
like an idiot I got into a relationship after only 2 months ('C' and I had dated for 2 years) and ended up moving back to my home-town after losing my job because I had failed to cope with the stress of the break-up.

In the beginning of this new relationship (we will call her 'S') everything was fine, but what neither 'S') or I realised was that it was the booze and the drugs that masked our incompatibility. We kept at it despite the obvious signs and within year we had been back and forth between 2 cities, running from ourselves. When I had finally had enough and ended it, she was pregnant... She had known I wanted to end it and had stopped using birth control, hoping to get pregnant so that we wouldn't split up. Fast forward 1 year and she was having an affair with a mutual colleague.

So there I was, 25 going on 26 and alone, heartbroken and a father 2. All my life I had battled depression and after all that had happened, women promising heaven and delivering hell, I had reached breaking point.

In the last year and a half, 'C' and I got back together, broke up and got back together again, with this came a pregnancy from her previous boyfriend and this depressed her as he had ruined her financially. For 6 months I was there for her, every single day, listening and caring, making her feel better. I stood by her and she got through it and I suppose that brings me to the point of this 'novel' : for the last month or 2 my depression hit a new low, I was unable to concentrate or show emotion. Last week she told me that she thinks I'm not a man, that I am depressed more than I am strong and that she needs someone stronger. How quickly had she forgotten those months where I stood by her after she left me for her boss, got pregnant with his child and I STILL took her back! Listened to her rage and supported her... How quickly had she decided to discard me when she no longer needed me...

So I ask you ; Where is the love?

L&L