I don't really know what to say, you sound anxious and seem to be obsessing on what people think and your ideal girl. This is not unusual at your age but you are distressed and in a new environment. It is hard to believe now, but all this will pass with time and high school will become a small part of your life. Because you miss school due to anxiety, and are worried about others, I think it would be good for you to talk to a professional. Would your mom help you do this? It does sound like you could use someone to help you sort out what is going on in and around you. In many ways you sound like a normal kid...just some of the usual concerns are very intense for you. Do talk to someone, you need a place to vent and problem solve. And DO hang here on PC, you will find others who understand and who you can talk with. WELCOME TO PC by the way.