I am overwhelmed... My whole family is in distress. And I have to take care of myself and get back to my life. I have no strength to do that. I have not written about my emotions in a really long time. This is going to probably be a very hectic post.

My grandma is in the hospital. She had a stroke in her brain(not really sure what it is called). When I got here to see her, I cried, dealt with my emotions and made peace with her dying. And then things got better which ironically made it worse.

So far she has decided to prove the doctors wrong and not die. She has woken from her coma, started moving her eyes and arm. She can not speak or move all of her right side. And she is in pain and miserable. I go to the hospital to see her moan, to try to cover herself up every time the nurse gives her a sponge bath, even struggle to breathe at times.

They will not keep her longer than Thursday in the hospital, and my poor lovely mum has to take her home. She is so many shades of tired. And there is nothing I can do. She keeps pushing me to go back to my house and my job because she would rather not worry about me as well. She is right but how can I stop worrying about her???

My grandma raised me for half of my childhood and I love her... I have no words for how much. And my mum as well. My sister, my dad, my aunt and cousins are all distraught. And there is nothing I can do. We are all helpless. And the one that is going to carry the load of taking care of a woman that is aware of everything that is going on around her but cannot communicate or move is my mum. And she refuses to let me stay here and help her.

I have began wishing my grandma would die... I am in the worst place I could be right now, emotionally. Help